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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938624">Freedom, Hanging By a Thread</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signy1/pseuds/Signy1'>Signy1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hogan's Heroes (TV 1965)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Friendship, Gen, Survival</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:34:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,790</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signy1/pseuds/Signy1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Carter hadn't intended to stir up old ghosts. But when when he stumbled on the rip in Newkirk's mattress and the secret it held, that was precisely what he did. Freedom comes in a lot of different guises, not all of which are kind, and hope can be found in the unlikeliest of places. 2018 PBA winner. Revised/reposted from FF.net.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Freedom, Hanging By a Thread</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was RAF blue. Carter, frowning at the rip in Newkirk's mattress and the unfamiliar hint of color lurking within, hooked a finger in a loop and pulled. It kept coming, bight after bight of it. "Say, Newkirk, what's this?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oi! Give me that," Newkirk snapped, and snatched the coil away from Carter. "That's mine. Leave it bloody well alone!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter blinked. "Sorry, Newkirk. What is it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Newkirk's hands tightened on it possessively, as though the other man might try to grab it back. "It's my own personal escape tunnel," he said shortly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Makeshift rope, about six or seven feet of it, obviously braided from cut and twisted strips of fabric from an old pair of uniform trousers. One end was tied into a noose, ready and waiting, and Carter's eyes widened until they seemed about to pop out of his head. "Um… Newkirk, are you okay? 'Cause, you know, if you're, um, not feeling so good, maybe I could, um…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. Leave off, mate," Newkirk said, twining the cord in his fingers like a rosary. "I'm fine. I've had this for a long time. Since before any of you got here. I just kept it because I reckoned that, so long as I had it, I wouldn't need it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter cocked his head, confused. "What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Newkirk sighed. "Look, Andrew-me-lad, it's no secret that I was in here not only before I'd had a chance to get my uniform rumpled, but almost before old Corporal Crackers had a chance to rumple his own, isn’t that right?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter nodded. Newkirk had made some sour jokes to the effect that his captors had told him not 'For you, the war is over,' but, rather, 'For you, the war never started.'</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Right. You think this rathole's bad now? You should've seen it back in '40. There weren't half enough huts built, so we had men sleeping three to a bunk and the rest on the floor. No heat, no mail, not enough blankets. The only ones who didn't have typhus were the ones with dysentery or the flu. They only fed us when they felt like it, and the guards' truncheons weren't for bloody show." Newkirk's eyes were focused on nothing, reliving those horrific early days. Carter could almost see the grim picture his bunkmate was painting. He almost wished he couldn't.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Newkirk continued. He didn't seem to notice that he was running the braided cord through his fingers, over and over. "I was going ruddy mad for a while there. Could barely think straight; it felt like the barbed wire was wrapped clear around my throat and getting tighter every minute. The Kommandant—this was Muller, who was before Lange, who was before Klink—was setting his watch by my escape attempts. I tried digging tunnels. With a bloody <em>spoon</em>. Tried cutting the wires. Tried sneaking out on the trucks. Nothing worked."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wow. That's awful." Carter swallowed. By the time he'd come to Stalag 13, it was already a fully functioning stop on the escape pipeline, and he had come there as a volunteer to stay and assist the operation. He'd never spent a day in the camp without knowing that there was a way out if it all got to be too much. He had certainly never endured the sort of conditions Newkirk had.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wasn't what you'd call a day at the beach," Newkirk agreed. "I was sick and starving—we all were—and I was just about at the end of my tether. Thought about just running into the compound after lights out some night and yelling bloody murder until the sentry spotted me and opened fire. And that was one of the <em><span>saner</span></em> ideas I had rattling around in there. The Kommandant was a sadist, the guards were animals, and the senior POW—this was <em><span>well</span></em> before the Colonel arrived—was a right bastard, and thick as a brick to boot; let's just say that the two of us weren't on the best of terms and leave it at that. So no help was coming from that end, either. No help was coming from anywhere."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter reminded himself that he needed to breathe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Started thinking that if I couldn't get out one way, I'd get out the other. When your only choices are die long and hard or quick and easy… well. Coward's way out, they say, but I never claimed I was brave. So I ripped up a few articles of clothing from bunkmates who weren't going to be needing a fresh uniform ever again, braided this, and hid it in my bunk."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You just hid it? You didn't try to, um…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nope. I didn't try to um. When it came down to it, I had just enough fight left in me to decide I didn't want to give the damned Krauts the satisfaction. If they wanted to finish me off, God knows I had no more objections, but they'd have to work for it." He looked down at the cord in his hands. "Dying on your own terms… sometimes it's the only weapon a man's got. Sometimes it's the only mercy left. And sometimes it's the only freedom he can hope for."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter looked at the floor, at the toes of his boots, anywhere but at his friend's face. "But you didn't," he said softly. "That was brave. You didn't do it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. I didn't. I started picking fights instead. Or nicking stuff from the guards' barracks. Mouthing off at roll call. Whatever I could think of that would get me some cooler time, since if I were in the cooler, I <em><span>couldn't</span></em> do anything crazy." He grinned. "Once I picked out the biggest, meanest-looking guard I could find, just walked right on up to him, tapped him on the shoulder, and handed him his watch and his pistol. He turned redder than LeBeau's scarf."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Boy! You took his pistol? He could have killed you!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That was the general idea," Newkirk shrugged. "I won't say he was best pleased, but he controlled himself well enough. Left me breathing, anyway. Maybe he just didn't feel like doing the paperwork. So it was back to the cooler, just in time to see them dragging in this half-sized firebrand, cursing a blue streak and fighting like a wildcat. The guard cracked him one. Didn't slow him down any. I didn't speak more than a few words of French, and he didn't speak much English, but we had thirty days to figure out how to talk to each other and nothing else to do with our time."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh! That was how you met LeBeau?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That it was. His cell was right near mine, so we didn't have too much trouble shouting back and forth. And I realized less than two weeks in that he had a shorter temper and a louder mouth than even I did, poor sod, and he was going to need someone around to haul his arse out of the fire. And believe you me, that was a full-time job."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter stifled a grin. This particular story was new to him, but he had heard some trenchant commentary from LeBeau on the subject of camp life pre-Hogan. Suffice it to say that, as regarded arses and the hauling from fires thereof, so far as the Frenchman was concerned, it was <em><span>Newkirk</span></em> who had required the services of a caretaker. The truth, Carter assumed, was probably somewhere in between.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's all, really. I had a mate to look out for, and that helped me keep my head. We made a few more escape attempts; went about as well as you'd expect, but never quite so bad that I needed my backup plan. Then the guv showed up, and he roped us both into his mad crew of merry saboteurs, and life got real busy. I gave my word not to escape, and I won't… but I kept this, anyhow. For good luck, really, as barmy as that sounds. Like I said; so long as I’ve got it, I know I won't need it… but the minute I were to toss it in the bin…" He trailed off for a moment, then gathered himself. He stroked the rope one more time, and stuffed it back into his mattress. "Silly superstition, right enough. But it's worked this long. Never hurts to have an ace or two tucked up your sleeve for emergencies, you know."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I had a mate to look out for.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Carter was no psychiatrist, but he suspected that LeBeau, whether he knew it or not, had been the <em><span>real</span></em> ace up Newkirk's sleeve. Whether Newkirk knew it or not, for that matter. He looked at the mattress, at the hint of color hidden in the straw, and wondered how many times his friend had been tempted to reach for the only freedom on offer. Wondered how much strength it took to wake up every morning and to decide, <em><span>no, not today</span></em>. More than he possessed himself, Carter suspected.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well. Anyhow," Newkirk said, suddenly uncomfortable. "That's the story. Keep your fingers out of my mattress from here on in, all right? I've… right, I'm off." He flashed Carter a tight smile, clapped him vaguely on the shoulder, and left the barracks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter looked around the empty room… not quite empty, after all. LeBeau was standing by his bunk, still as stone. They stared at each other for a moment. Newkirk, they both knew, would never have told that story if he'd known that he had an audience, and especially not <em><span>that </span></em>audience.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If I had to be taken prisoner at all," LeBeau said after a moment, "I think I am glad that it happened when it did, rather than a month or two later."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think I almost wish I'd been here sooner," Carter said quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>LeBeau shuddered, remembering. "No. You don't." He cleared his throat and strode to the door, and rested his hand, for a moment, on the uprights of Newkirk's bunk. "We will be free," he said. "All of us. We will survive this war together, and we will be free. This will happen. Because there is no other acceptable outcome." With that, he opened the door, then hesitated, let it close again. "I did not know he had that," he told Carter softly. "Nor how close he was to using it. And I do not think that he knows how close I came to… seeking my own freedom… when I was first brought here. We are lucky. We have both a cause worth dying for, and friends worth living for. Not all are so blessed."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened the door again, and before Carter could even begin to think of an answer to that, he was gone.</span>
</p>
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